I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
