I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize