JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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