Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize