Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ladies don't puke and tell
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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