I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just had sex bonerless
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
