is wine microwaveable?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
