fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This baby is an asshole
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
