Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
