I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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