I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
