This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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