You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
