All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
