Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
