Jerry, you need to find god
Acid is not a monday night drug
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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