i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize