If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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