They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
