Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
