You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
