Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
