exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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