Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
