So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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