didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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