I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
