I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
