brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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