dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
