apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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