butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
