We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
