Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize