sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
