Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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