I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
