I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
