GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize