better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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