If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everyone says I win the strip club
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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