Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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