Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
