I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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