When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
