woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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