I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I AM VODKA MAN
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
