The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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