the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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