Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I want a musical about memes.
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