woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
