I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize