someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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