break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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