I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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