Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
