It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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