i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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