My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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