I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
