Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
