8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
