Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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