i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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