I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Randomize
