the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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