My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
