Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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