just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
